There is no reference point, no beginning, no end, and no way to articulate what it’s like to carry a sense of personal gender failure on your back for decades. Try explaining colors to a person that has been blind since birth. I’m often asked what it’s like to be transgender and my reply is simple. I live loud, open and active in my community helping others realize that at the end of the day, gender is not a big deal. Now, a few months past my first year of transition, I am proud to be transgender. Half way into the first year of my transition, I had always thought that if there was a ‘gender reset’ button that I could push and in the morning I would wake up cis-gender anything, I would have gladly pushed that button. I could breathe for the first time in my life. Moods changed, outlooks became brighter and suddenly I could visualize a future that didn’t involve suicidal idealization and a yearly count-down to the end of my life. When I came out in January of 2014 to my wife, there was an immediate shock to the family system, but strangely, the burden of what I had been carrying on my back had been lifted. When you grow up believing that the first breath you took was wrong, that your body and mind, the very vehicle by which we are all judged, assessed and categorized by, is not aligning with what is going on inside of you and around you, then gender and its purpose is on your mind 24/7. A constant struggle of who I am and why was I born this way. Most people never have to think about gender or what gender they are suppose to be, there is no reason for this to happen, but for me, It’s been on my mind since I was six years old.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |